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Tuesday, February 29, 2000 By DEBBIE CARVALKO carvalko.connpost@snet.net FAIRFIELD - Pssst, what's the password for a wonderful life? That guy down the street - the one with that big smile that rarely fades - he knows the answer. That woman - the radiant one who always seems like she just ate her Wheaties - she knows, too. And 24 armchair philosophers in a dining room here on a recent Thursday night discussed just how to use the password. It is two words, actually, a "passphrase," if you will: "Be happy!" OK, pessimists, all together now: groan. Frown. Grimace. Throw your heads back. Stress out over that sickeningly simple phrase. Feel those annoyance hormones coursing through your bodies. Go ahead, get it all out. Catharsis complete? Good. Now you can join the amateur philosophers meeting monthly in Tommy's Restaurant. The group's goal is highlighted in its name -The Happiness Club. There are no membership requirements. There are no dues. "This is about explaining the password for really being happy, not just for tonight," host Lionel Ketchian explained to 24 listeners in a second-floor dining room on a Thursday night earlier this month. Ketchian, an author and happiness hawker - in addition to being a printing company owner by day - launched the Happiness Club last month. He says 24 people showed up in a snowstorm for that first meeting. "We are living in an emotional poverty. ? Everyone wants to be happy," explained the 54-year-old Fairfield resident. From seats at long tables aligned in a U shape - tables decorated with fuzzy yellow stuffed hearts attached to smiley face balloons - wanna-be-happy people listened. Some, like Joanne Petitti, a 37-year-old from Newtown, already knew Ketchian. Last fall, Petitti took a four-session class Ketchian teaches at Sacred Heart University - "Personal Power and Success Through Happiness." "I just lost a job. And I'm getting over a relationship. I've always been a happy person, but it was getting hard," said Petitti. The class "had me looking at things in a different perspective," she added. Others among the visitors, like Barbara Medoff, a secretary from Fairfield, were newcomers looking for brightness. "I love people. I get energized by people. ? But lately I've been very upset," she said, describing a friend, bedridden after a stroke. And some people, frankly, just wanted a happy break in their stressful lives. "I'm excited to be here, because I want to be happy," said Don Barnett, a Trumbull resident who makes his money as a trader in New York for the Nasdaq stock exchange. Ketchian started the dinner meeting talking about stress and its hurtful effects, both emotional and physical. "We can't always control what happens. ? But stress is our reaction to what happens, and that we can control," he said. "The challenge for us is to use stress to our benefit." The three-hour meeting continued with Ketchian aiming to inspire people with one-liners like, "You already have everything you need to be happy. The realization that this is true is all you need," a phrase from "Food for Thought," his miniature book sold packaged inside a can. The rest of the evening appeared to be a cross between a workshop and group support session. Ketchian showed listeners a breathing technique to promote calm, then had them shifting from stressed feelings about something bad to happy feelings about a good event. Ketchian had the entire group shouting, "Yes," with their fists in their air, during the upbeat portion of the exercise. He said the technique is intended to "anchor" participants in good feelings. "Like anything else, happiness has to be practiced over and over [for someone] to become an expert," he said. "You are now enrolled in the Jack La Lanne Happiness Gym," he told listeners. Those who attended stood, one by one, and introduced themselves, telling their reasons for attending. "I feel myself getting more and more stressed lately and I want to get a grip on it," said one woman. "I'm so tired of being stressed and depressed," added Jean Adams, a Shelton resident who works at a major hospital in the region. "Happiness is a decision. Make a decision to be happy the rest of your life," said Ketchian. Several listeners - who've apparently done extensive reading on positive thinking taught by authors like Norman Vincent Peale and Dr. Bernie Siegel - began offering advice in what quickly turned into a give-and-take among club members. "You need to think about those tapes playing in your head," long-held beliefs that make all events seem personally stressful, "and turn off the recorder that triggers negative thoughts," said Meredith Martin, a 34-year-old art director from Danbury who joined the club for its first session, too. At evening's end, all Happiness Club members huddled for a photograph to be placed on the Happiness Club Web site. To visit the club Web site, go to www.happinessclub.com. Debbie Carvalko, who covers regional events, can be reached at 736-5440.
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